"I have of late- but wherefore I know not- lost all my mirth, foregone all custom of exercises; and, indeed, it goes so heavily with my disposition that this goodly frame, the earth seems to me a sterile promontory; this most excellent canopy, the air, look you, this mighty o'erhanging firmament, this majestical roof fretted with golden fire; why it appears no other thing to me but a foul and pestilent congregation of vapours. What a piece of work is a man! How noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving, how express and admirable in action, how like an angel in apprehension, how like a God! The beauty of the world, paragon of animals; and yet to me, what is this quintessence of dust? Man delights not me, no, nor women neither, nor women neither, though by your smiling you seem to say so."
W.Shakespeare.
Hamlet
Act II Scene II
Sunday, 23 September 2007
Wednesday, 19 September 2007
My Glittering Career.
I was going to write a piece about how moving to a new job today has made my work life not only more bearable, but downright exciting. I'm afraid that upon the evidence of my first day, that post will never be forthcoming. I've been disappointed many times in my life, but today I received a stark reminder of how easy it is to try something slightly different to further your life just a tad, and feel it really may have been a total waste of time.
So, without further ado, the positive aspects are as follows;
1 At least I tried, though not too hard.
2 My new working buddies are nice enough people, and one of them may even be able to teach me how swear in Russian since he hails from Latvia and that's his first language. This should come in handy when England lose to them (Russia)in the Euro cup qualifier on the plastic pitch.
3 The day seemed to go quite quickly because there wasn't a moment to rest.
4 All the food there is healthy, so should I choose to eat any of it, I may lose a few pounds or enjoy the flavour. This is an improvement on the last job which mainly sold chips to drongoes.
5 Having a shite working environment gives one the kick up the arse one may need to get a real job that pays enough to afford to eat in the type of establishment one currently works.
6 It made me realise that moaning about things just eventually leads full circle back to the fact that I live in the Western world with what's left of a welfare state so I only have to work part time in order to have a few of the basics in life that humans should globally have. There're one fuck of a lot of people out there on this planet who do not have those basics and never will, and they still have to work very hard indeed to afford what they do have.
Aaaaaaaand here are the downsides;
1 Thought of the day "If I have to wash one more fucking plate whilst stood on my aching feet in the forgotten corner of some sweaty striplit rabbithole up to my elbows in greasy lukewarm water whilst being forced to endure the aural soul destruction that is radio fucking one with it's smarmy fucking D.J.s playing music, 75% of which is aimed at emotionally retarded 14 year olds, arresting the extension of my personal growth boundaries with all the resilience usually associated of 16 foot thick reinforced concrete wall when under attack from a tooth pick, then I will seize power forthwith using violence and a lack of fairness to my fellow man that would make Robert Mugabe wince, crushing the system which has put me in a situation I find depressing enough to actually want an innocent passer by to toot their car horn at me whilst I'm on my bike so I can forcibly decapitate them and feed their grey matter to the nearest fat bastard fucking disease-ridden pigeon walking wobbly headed past the scene."
2 There's no number 2 because number 1 was so all encompassing in it's headfuckyness, it took me all day til I was home, washed, fed, and had tucked my son into his bed before I could really think past it.
So there!
I don't feel any better for that rant. Neither has it secured me an interview for a new position as an overpaid under worked member of society. It really is nobody's fault but mine that I'm in this predicament. Nobody else will remove me from it, it's all down to me. That's a bit depressing, because I have a tremendous aptitude for apathy an even utter laziness.
Where is my metaphoric knight in shining armour.
Perhaps their jobs were cut as part of a necessary downsizing of metaphorical heroes due to unforeseen financial instability. Maybe they all have jobs like mine now and are currently decrying them in front of a computer.
Oh well, maybe if I play my cards right, I could move on and one of them could have my job.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So, without further ado, the positive aspects are as follows;
1 At least I tried, though not too hard.
2 My new working buddies are nice enough people, and one of them may even be able to teach me how swear in Russian since he hails from Latvia and that's his first language. This should come in handy when England lose to them (Russia)in the Euro cup qualifier on the plastic pitch.
3 The day seemed to go quite quickly because there wasn't a moment to rest.
4 All the food there is healthy, so should I choose to eat any of it, I may lose a few pounds or enjoy the flavour. This is an improvement on the last job which mainly sold chips to drongoes.
5 Having a shite working environment gives one the kick up the arse one may need to get a real job that pays enough to afford to eat in the type of establishment one currently works.
6 It made me realise that moaning about things just eventually leads full circle back to the fact that I live in the Western world with what's left of a welfare state so I only have to work part time in order to have a few of the basics in life that humans should globally have. There're one fuck of a lot of people out there on this planet who do not have those basics and never will, and they still have to work very hard indeed to afford what they do have.
Aaaaaaaand here are the downsides;
1 Thought of the day "If I have to wash one more fucking plate whilst stood on my aching feet in the forgotten corner of some sweaty striplit rabbithole up to my elbows in greasy lukewarm water whilst being forced to endure the aural soul destruction that is radio fucking one with it's smarmy fucking D.J.s playing music, 75% of which is aimed at emotionally retarded 14 year olds, arresting the extension of my personal growth boundaries with all the resilience usually associated of 16 foot thick reinforced concrete wall when under attack from a tooth pick, then I will seize power forthwith using violence and a lack of fairness to my fellow man that would make Robert Mugabe wince, crushing the system which has put me in a situation I find depressing enough to actually want an innocent passer by to toot their car horn at me whilst I'm on my bike so I can forcibly decapitate them and feed their grey matter to the nearest fat bastard fucking disease-ridden pigeon walking wobbly headed past the scene."
2 There's no number 2 because number 1 was so all encompassing in it's headfuckyness, it took me all day til I was home, washed, fed, and had tucked my son into his bed before I could really think past it.
So there!
I don't feel any better for that rant. Neither has it secured me an interview for a new position as an overpaid under worked member of society. It really is nobody's fault but mine that I'm in this predicament. Nobody else will remove me from it, it's all down to me. That's a bit depressing, because I have a tremendous aptitude for apathy an even utter laziness.
Where is my metaphoric knight in shining armour.
Perhaps their jobs were cut as part of a necessary downsizing of metaphorical heroes due to unforeseen financial instability. Maybe they all have jobs like mine now and are currently decrying them in front of a computer.
Oh well, maybe if I play my cards right, I could move on and one of them could have my job.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kitchen Pig Has Left The Building!
A job is a job, it's been said. There is a singular straight philosophy to that which is hard to argue against. However, like all aspects of human life, once past the simplistic, the complex begins. Today, I have stopped working at the place I have worked for almost three years. It was not a first choice to begin working there to start with. My last job ended with wages owed. There was anger and disappointment. I needed another one fast, and as is often the case, haste produces a certain lack of choice, a removal of the type of logic we would all use if given the time to use it.I wonder what next week holds in store for me.
Thursday, 13 September 2007
Garden
These are a few images of a few flowers
I grew in my garden this year.
The thing about growing stuff is that nobody has ever grown those molecules and atoms and all that tiny stuff in exactly that way before. Sure, millions of people have grown billions of plants but not these plants. These are MY PLANTS. I GREW THEM. They belong to me in a way that they do not belong to anybody else. By a similar token, they do not belong to anybody because, though I helped them burst into life by nurturing them with water etc, they grew themselves really. It's not like I had to go out there and tell them which way the sun is or how to suck up nutrients from the soil. I reckon they had that bit covered pretty well themselves.
And so this beautiful lily
I grew in my garden this year.
The thing about growing stuff is that nobody has ever grown those molecules and atoms and all that tiny stuff in exactly that way before. Sure, millions of people have grown billions of plants but not these plants. These are MY PLANTS. I GREW THEM. They belong to me in a way that they do not belong to anybody else. By a similar token, they do not belong to anybody because, though I helped them burst into life by nurturing them with water etc, they grew themselves really. It's not like I had to go out there and tell them which way the sun is or how to suck up nutrients from the soil. I reckon they had that bit covered pretty well themselves.And so this beautiful lily
and it's white friends and the gladiolus above have brought colour and pulchritude into my space without any noticable effort on their part. I may be doing them a diservice. It may be incredibly hard to grow if you're a plant, who knows, except of course Prince Charles who has been listening to them for years.
This isn't Prince Charles, not even on a bad day. This is actually a sky monster who flew over my garden to have a look at it because it was so gorgeous.
It popped in for a chat as well. Of course, like all monsters it couldn't shut up once it got onto the subject of it's own attempts at cultivating roses for various village fayres to which it flies nationwide. I wish it would come back, I lent it my spare planting trowel. Don't suppose I'll ever see that again.
Wednesday, 12 September 2007
Where's The Space
Melt with the sound
Feel my way round
I'm lost but I've found
There are many ways up
And as many ways down
Where's the ground?
Where's the ground?
Where's the ground?
Where's the ground?
Gathering pace
Stealing your face
I'm taking your place
And I'll leave with no trace
Yes I'll leave with no trace
Where's the space?
Where's the space?
Where's the space?
Where's the space?
I can remember
A time in the future
When a truer way of being wasn't so far forward.
Got a real sort of feel
To the background confusion.
Cross the devide to the dangerous side
I can push out the boat
Take my world by the throat
And let it breathe all it's powers for free.
Having got to the part
Of my own pounding heart
Which will feed the emotional animal I call me.
It's been scattered through my life.
An awkward feeling that I cannot understand.
Has it happened in your life?
An awkward feeling that you cannot understand?
Where's the sound?
Where's the place?
Where's the ground?
Where's the space?
Feel my way round
I'm lost but I've found
There are many ways up
And as many ways down
Where's the ground?
Where's the ground?
Where's the ground?
Where's the ground?
Gathering pace
Stealing your face
I'm taking your place
And I'll leave with no trace
Yes I'll leave with no trace
Where's the space?
Where's the space?
Where's the space?
Where's the space?
I can remember
A time in the future
When a truer way of being wasn't so far forward.
Got a real sort of feel
To the background confusion.
Cross the devide to the dangerous side
I can push out the boat
Take my world by the throat
And let it breathe all it's powers for free.
Having got to the part
Of my own pounding heart
Which will feed the emotional animal I call me.
It's been scattered through my life.
An awkward feeling that I cannot understand.
Has it happened in your life?
An awkward feeling that you cannot understand?
Where's the sound?
Where's the place?
Where's the ground?
Where's the space?
Back
How wrong I am
To think a smile could be overpriced
It's almost free.
I took the scam
Shut off where anyone else
Could not see through to me.
I saw the game
As just surviving the next attack
It helped to be
One step behind
Just kinda drifting around the pack
Observing one rule
Watch your back!
Run away from your problems
They'll catch you you'll see
And wherever they find you
They'll haunt you.
Control and envelop you
'Til they
Break your back.
I'm checking in
To some emotional halfway house
Of my design.
I'm checking out
The possibilities from the chaos
That is my mind.
Is it a fact
That cornered animals always fight
Right to the last
And if I am
The beast inside of me
It's the only course of action
Just fight back.
Run away from your problems
They'll catch you you'll see
And wherever they find you
They'll haunt you
Control and envelop you
'Til they
Break your back
As it transpires
I am the curtain that hides my own
Mortality
Do I require
Eyes in the back of my head to see
What I might see
To know the task
Is not to hide in the shadows cast
By my own fear
Fear of fear itself
Because therein lies a madness
Madness that I know can
Break my back.
To think a smile could be overpriced
It's almost free.
I took the scam
Shut off where anyone else
Could not see through to me.
I saw the game
As just surviving the next attack
It helped to be
One step behind
Just kinda drifting around the pack
Observing one rule
Watch your back!
Run away from your problems
They'll catch you you'll see
And wherever they find you
They'll haunt you.
Control and envelop you
'Til they
Break your back.
I'm checking in
To some emotional halfway house
Of my design.
I'm checking out
The possibilities from the chaos
That is my mind.
Is it a fact
That cornered animals always fight
Right to the last
And if I am
The beast inside of me
It's the only course of action
Just fight back.
Run away from your problems
They'll catch you you'll see
And wherever they find you
They'll haunt you
Control and envelop you
'Til they
Break your back
As it transpires
I am the curtain that hides my own
Mortality
Do I require
Eyes in the back of my head to see
What I might see
To know the task
Is not to hide in the shadows cast
By my own fear
Fear of fear itself
Because therein lies a madness
Madness that I know can
Break my back.
A Rock and A Hard Place
Round peg, square hole
Made to measure for a life on the dole.
Not the part you wanted, why turn up for the audition?
Your other self sees you fall to the ground
Glassy eyes buried in a deepening frown
In a play with a terrible script
Grabbed by the gaze that has all of us gripped.
That other self can't see through to your head and your heart
That's what you get when they say go
And even if you get the drift
You must get out and
Steal the show.
I can lie when it seems
It get me closer to a realised dream.
But the nightmares might be coming back to frighten me. (HA ha ha, he he he)
And the night time thoughts are the worst,
Tear me apart with the boredom and thirst
Stare at the wall, push ideas from my being
It's not another life, it's just another way of seeing.
The lost ideas that have escaped from my head and my heart.
Nobody knows where they all g-g-g-go.
Maybe they hide away inside
And come around to
Rewrite the show.
It's been a while since lost ideas I'd like to
Come my way
Have sprung into my head and given me the
Strength to say
I live , I breathe, I love, I feel. I have the
Right to claim
A bright idea with second sight when it's so
Painfully plain.
It's obvious I'll fall apart if every
Piece of crap
Replaces opportunities that fall in-
-To my lap
Give too much credence to the bullshit factor
What's the crack.?
Right now the moment is upon me get them
Off my back.
It ain't right if I try
To take an image from another mind's eye
Then change it round and warp it in my own peculiar fashion
Cos that just makes me bitter and choked
My own worst enemy right at my throat
Reminds me that I can be right for this play
As long as I don't let the bullshit get in the way
Of lost ideas that have escaped from my head and my heart
Now that I know where they all go.
Made to measure for a life on the dole.
Not the part you wanted, why turn up for the audition?
Your other self sees you fall to the ground
Glassy eyes buried in a deepening frown
In a play with a terrible script
Grabbed by the gaze that has all of us gripped.
That other self can't see through to your head and your heart
That's what you get when they say go
And even if you get the drift
You must get out and
Steal the show.
I can lie when it seems
It get me closer to a realised dream.
But the nightmares might be coming back to frighten me. (HA ha ha, he he he)
And the night time thoughts are the worst,
Tear me apart with the boredom and thirst
Stare at the wall, push ideas from my being
It's not another life, it's just another way of seeing.
The lost ideas that have escaped from my head and my heart.
Nobody knows where they all g-g-g-go.
Maybe they hide away inside
And come around to
Rewrite the show.
It's been a while since lost ideas I'd like to
Come my way
Have sprung into my head and given me the
Strength to say
I live , I breathe, I love, I feel. I have the
Right to claim
A bright idea with second sight when it's so
Painfully plain.
It's obvious I'll fall apart if every
Piece of crap
Replaces opportunities that fall in-
-To my lap
Give too much credence to the bullshit factor
What's the crack.?
Right now the moment is upon me get them
Off my back.
It ain't right if I try
To take an image from another mind's eye
Then change it round and warp it in my own peculiar fashion
Cos that just makes me bitter and choked
My own worst enemy right at my throat
Reminds me that I can be right for this play
As long as I don't let the bullshit get in the way
Of lost ideas that have escaped from my head and my heart
Now that I know where they all go.
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