Tuesday, 24 June 2008

SUN IN CANCER, ARSE IN GEAR.

Yes, all you good people of the omniverse, the Earth has beetled around once again to the part of it's orbit that floats a great deal of boats. As a result, a new and Tigger like energy has risen in me which is usually the case come Solstice. Being a Cancerian is cool. Birthdays are usually sunny affairs.
I am filling my days with "buildin' fings", 16 hours a week I get paid for it, thanks to a renewed career as a handyman.

The other Buddha-knows-how-many hours construction work has gone into the previously much touted shed project.

I'm not in a position to show any photos of progress because it's all very hush-hush, don't ya know. You'll just have to wait. Gadzooks, I can almost smell the tension from here.

Needless to say, the postage stamp sized urban garden is littered with piles of wood and rusty old nails. It's a health and safety nightmare, an A&E admittance waiting to happen. But I prefer to run the gauntlet, it lends life a sense of derring-do. Besides, there's no point in clearing up until the wobbly woman warbles.

The next week or so will produce a camping holiday, cricket, an annual visit, loud music from my revamped car stereo, outdoor fires (upon which I usually sacrifice at least one piece of clothing albeit mistakenly), birdwatching, peoplewatching, a lack of watchwatching, beer drinking and hopefully a modicum of sunburn, all of which you may well get to read about.

Until then, here are some random things captured for your delectation and perhaps, if you will, even amusement.
Here, we can clearly see that a junk food empire has been brought to it's knees by a renegade sparrow. Some kind of alliance has obviously been struck between it and it's feathered friends which commonly appear on the menu dressed in tight fitting batter suits.

The upshot of this I suspect was probably several dozen spotty ill-looking natives frantically scouring the locale for a similarly puke-worthy helping of feral pigeon in a bap.

They wouldn't have to go very far in this neck of the woods.

Next on the agenda is my own fascinating experimentation with Do-it-Yourself brain surgery. The tricky part is getting the bread knife and chisels clean again afterwards. Of course, I wouldn't recommend this form of amateur neuro slicing to the feint hearted, but the more adventurous among you will be pleasantly surprised by your children's next exam results if you get it right. However, if you get it wrong they are only capable of watching Big Brother until you've gone back to the old drawing board before another well intentioned stab at it.

And here is a monster from the deep which I fished out of my garden pond. The fucker took me 8 hours to land and left me with a vicious hickey which I quite clearly cant go to the medical services with in case they think I'm one of those weird people who can only become romantically attached to lampreys.
For those among you who believe I had to turn my back on it to get attacked in this region, think again, it's not how it looks. It does however, bring a whole new meaning to the words 'blue tit'.

And that, my crusty little old barnacles upon the hull of humanity, is that. Be good to yourselves and to those immediately to your right. Anybody on the left can get stuffed.


20 comments:

Magdalene said...

If I did that to you, you'd be outraged! Cricket widow indeed. *sniff*

Thesaurus Rex said...

If you could do that to me from a distance of 20yards I'd recommend you for the team.
You only widowed one day a week, the rest of the time you're busy bossing smokers about. Serve 'em right I suppose.

Magdalene said...

I'm very nice to my smokers actually. It's why they love me and send their family and friends too. I only boss Weird people who get their clothes filthy poking about in skips for shed building detritus.

lorenzothellama said...

That is a vicious looking animal you pulled out of your pond and they are VERY impressive bruises. Well done Magdalene.

lorenzothellama said...

Feverfew are little daisies. My pic was highly magnified! Big daisies are possible Margurites.

How do you know they are Margurites? Because Margurite is wearing them as Lonnie Donnegan might have said.

Thesaurus Rex said...

Yes he would,
"back home there where the trees are tall,
down in Woodford."

Maalie said...

Good luck with the birdwatching. Can you post us your holiday list?

Thesaurus Rex said...

Sadly I don't keep specific written down lists any more but here goes. Because some of my would be camping cohorts big time chickened out, I didn't go camping.
We did head out for a stroll up Haytor. on the way back down I spotted a raven. I've seen one there before, maybe it's the same one, who knows. Utterly gorgeous creatures. The ones near Mags house have been conspicuous by recent absence. Maybe they've finished nesting?? All other birds were the usual mix. Lots of various common finches, titmice, yellowhammer, etc garden and field and water type things. Also some flamingoes, pelicans, cassawary, etc, though they were at Paignton Zoo, which means they can't really appear on a list without risking ridicule.
There was one brilliant bird there, the name of which escapes me, but it made a noise like a rattling shopping trolley being returned to the collection of other shopping trolleys, followed bydistinct croaking at increasing speed and a sort of whoop noise. Unbelievable really, and definitely the weirdest noise I've ever heard from a bird.

lorenzothellama said...

I reckon it was a 'wind-up bird' as in the book by Haruki Murakami.

Have you finished that bloody shed yet?

lorenzothellama said...

c'mon you. Let's have some pictures of your shed.

Raelha said...

I get back after months away and still no shed - are picking lean even in Bristol skips nowadays?

lorenzothellama said...

When are you going to get a new post up? Is the shed finished yet?

I agree that Peter and Jane have changed a bit since those halcyon days of the 50s.
You should see how Pat the effing Dog is wearing: hobbling about, arthritic hips, dribbling and doubly incontinent.

Ruminent Quadruped. xx

Raelha said...

Sun in Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio...arse on the sofa? Where's this shed then?

lorenzothellama said...

Have you finished that bloody shed yet?

Ju's little sister said...

T-Rex - where are you?

Raelha said...

Yes, you'll be needed soon for a quiz on the Meta-Plane.

Bah, I think he's hibernated.

lorenzothellama said...

When are we getting the shed shit?

today's word: unfeces

Raelha said...

Yeah, Lorenzo, I came here today for the same reason. Still no shed shit.

Todays v-word - rangatee

Scriptor Senex said...

Where've you been??? Have a good 2009!

lorenzothellama said...

All the complaints of the season to you Mr Rex. When are we going to have a photo of your shed?