Tuesday, 17 July 2007

More Old Hats To Throw Into The Ring.

Here I am again, a little confused as usual, and once more discussing the world of cyber diaries. That's diaries not dairies. Who ever heard of a cyber dairy? Well lactose addicted computers of course, but besides them? O.K. I concede, cybermilkmen - perhaps the most feared and utterly ill-conceived of The Doctor's arch enemies.
Digression, digression, digression. It's what politics is all about. Cunning those politicians. Why just this year, New Liar members (and a right bunch of members they are at that) have openly, and without much studio make-up, condemned the execution of Saddam as deplorable etc. Well they're possibly correct. Who am I to say or judge? I'll tell you who! One of the many people who sat and watched news reports of R.A.F. and U.S.A.F. bombing raids which deliberately targeted and failed only to hit Saddam because he was too bloody well hidden. So assassination's O.K. then? Almost not like killing anybody at all!
Gosh, that all got a bit serious for a while. Must quickly inhale some more of that NO2........ That's more like it. I'll have to mug another midwife before too long, after all, the bottle's bound to run out sooner or later even if it looks pretty big by the desk here and boy, was it focken hard to get up all those stairs. Maybe I should just visit a doctor. (not to be confused with 'The Doctor' mentioned previously) Wish I hadn't dropped it on my sodding foot now. And that's why I'm confined to the desk. Broken foot. I tell you it could have been loads worse. If I'd been in favour of the metric system it so easily could have resulted in a broken metre. Then where would I be? Not just waylaying babycatchers but hijacking B.O.C. 7tonners on the A.4. that's where.
Anyway, I maintain I've constructed enough of this utter bollox now. I mean to say, with Wednesday fast approaching, I'm in grave danger of losing sleep my body desperately needs at the moment. I'd be a little fatigued even with slimming aids. There's nowt wrong with the creative endeavours associated with sleep deprivation, but even wolves at full moon slumber on occasion, don't they?


Metamatician said...

Don't knock cyber-dairies till you've tried them.

Politics are cunning linguists alright, and I'm not sure they possess members at all, maybe just bare patches of curly skin where normal people have that thinking device (forgot the name...penile cortex?). That would explain their lack of self-generated thought and hence fall-back on cliches, especially (from watching the shenanigans of your government "system" [gits throwing paper airplanes at one another and insulting each other's moms]) more and more heinous Americanisms about freedom, gOD, and cocaine when they were young and dumb but now your honor I've learned better I SWEAR! Oh yeah, right hand, sorry.

Sorry about the double brackets above, not sure it all hangs together (huh huh, I said "hang") legally but I haven't heard any sirens yet except the siren call of my liquor cabinet.

But I do like the questions with the PM, those are something we Yanks never even get close to. Ever seen the movie "V for Vendetta"? Great film. I'm convinced our President is just tape footage and CGI holographs. Then again maybe not, I've seen World of Warcraft orcs better looking and far more erudite than him. NSA must've pinched pennies and farmed out the actual 3D work to a bunch of stoned hippie 22-year-olds in Silicon Valley. Oh wait, that's the entire industry.

I was appalled at the Saddam execution as well, on a serious note. Not because I liked the guy, but if you use the logic they did... Well you see where I'm going. Our countries would both be holding emergency elections right now.

NO2 good. Wish it lasted longer than a nanosecond. I read a story where some kids tried to hotbox their car with nitrous and they all died from oxygen deprivation. Hope they learned their lesson. Kids these days! I'll bet they shuffled it off happily enough though... "I just might die with a smile on my face after all..."

Wait, I'm reading your posts in reverse order - what's wrong with your foot? Less that 12 inches suddenly? I was bit by a human being a six months ago which nearly resulted in the amputation of the end of my middle finger (the only one I care about), and even now it has problems... for example, the nail seems to want to grow INTO the skin rather that straight out. I don't blame it, I do the same thing, but it sodding hurts. I have to visit this mystic Indian or traditional Chinese medicine man (aka legitimately licensed US doctors which have displaced all the white folks who forgot you have to STUDY in med school) now to get it treated. At least maybe I can cry like a baby (a non-drug-seeking baby - they are on to them now), and get a decent bottle of pain pills for my troubles. Alcohol is the next step. Even with all its problems net-wise it's a GOOD THING. It even makes you die younger, how's that for a bonus?

Metre, lol. I've got it now, you're a punsmith and homynym junkie just like my grandma, my mom, and me, and all the potential children I left in those limp rubber tubes. Some people find us unintelligible or a bore. I tend to sodomize and then kill those people. Wait, did I say that out loud? Oops.

Sleep is a myth invented by lazy people to explain their lack of good old-fashioned Calvinist American productivity.

Not sure about the wolves. I thought I saw a whole pack of them sawing logs last full moon in the parking lot, but it turned out to be teenagers. Oh yeah, and ant lions.

Metamatician said...

posting a comment on your blog is like breaking into the CDC room where the keep the remaining smallpox virus. I swear I've entered those letters exactly as shown and it told me I was stupid and rejected me, purely out of spite. Plus, I *think* they may be crooked, but it could just be me.

Thesaurus Rex said...

Cunning linguists indeed, though few have rabbits tongues. Forked tongues perhaps. Only the females possess members, which they have collected in dark alleyways after particularly dipsomaniacal cabinet meetings.
Paper airplanes are a bit like impeachment, only nobody takes it too seriously and they all go to the subsidised bar afterwards and get pie-eyed to forget about it. It's what I avoid my taxes for.
The home secretary smoked pot???? Yeah, so fuckin' what. George Dubya Bush takes acid, EVERY FUCKIN' DAY! I thought that was quite obvious. Condy knows, she sold it to him. Jeez $500 a tab, she saw him coming. (oh no, that was Bill Clinton.)
Incidentally, the way the air is round here, breathing makes you die younger.

Magdalene said...

It appears that one or the other of you has undergone some kind of belated cell division and now you are two. This is ghastly! In introducing you two, I feel like some experimental laboratory geek who's inadvertently mixed the contents of two separate test tubes with bizarre and potentially disatrous results :0

And lay off the nitrous oxide, both of you. As a midwife I can tell you that it's a gateway drug and responsible for the current epidemic of epidurally addicted women in our society. Imagine you guys numb from the waist down and unable to move. Maybe you could stand on your heads and reverse the anaesthetic effects?

I'm off now, having just realised that I'm beginning to show signs of mutation myself.

Metamatician said...

Stand ON our heads? That would hurt if it were possible, like licking your elbow or picking yourself up, both of which I've tried every and again when God least expects it just to see if I can catch him napping.

Or stand on our heads like this:

That doesn't look like a raft of gold either.