Wednesday, 19 September 2007

My Glittering Career.

I was going to write a piece about how moving to a new job today has made my work life not only more bearable, but downright exciting. I'm afraid that upon the evidence of my first day, that post will never be forthcoming. I've been disappointed many times in my life, but today I received a stark reminder of how easy it is to try something slightly different to further your life just a tad, and feel it really may have been a total waste of time.
So, without further ado, the positive aspects are as follows;

1 At least I tried, though not too hard.

2 My new working buddies are nice enough people, and one of them may even be able to teach me how swear in Russian since he hails from Latvia and that's his first language. This should come in handy when England lose to them (Russia)in the Euro cup qualifier on the plastic pitch.

3 The day seemed to go quite quickly because there wasn't a moment to rest.

4 All the food there is healthy, so should I choose to eat any of it, I may lose a few pounds or enjoy the flavour. This is an improvement on the last job which mainly sold chips to drongoes.

5 Having a shite working environment gives one the kick up the arse one may need to get a real job that pays enough to afford to eat in the type of establishment one currently works.

6 It made me realise that moaning about things just eventually leads full circle back to the fact that I live in the Western world with what's left of a welfare state so I only have to work part time in order to have a few of the basics in life that humans should globally have. There're one fuck of a lot of people out there on this planet who do not have those basics and never will, and they still have to work very hard indeed to afford what they do have.

Aaaaaaaand here are the downsides;

1 Thought of the day "If I have to wash one more fucking plate whilst stood on my aching feet in the forgotten corner of some sweaty striplit rabbithole up to my elbows in greasy lukewarm water whilst being forced to endure the aural soul destruction that is radio fucking one with it's smarmy fucking D.J.s playing music, 75% of which is aimed at emotionally retarded 14 year olds, arresting the extension of my personal growth boundaries with all the resilience usually associated of 16 foot thick reinforced concrete wall when under attack from a tooth pick, then I will seize power forthwith using violence and a lack of fairness to my fellow man that would make Robert Mugabe wince, crushing the system which has put me in a situation I find depressing enough to actually want an innocent passer by to toot their car horn at me whilst I'm on my bike so I can forcibly decapitate them and feed their grey matter to the nearest fat bastard fucking disease-ridden pigeon walking wobbly headed past the scene."

2 There's no number 2 because number 1 was so all encompassing in it's headfuckyness, it took me all day til I was home, washed, fed, and had tucked my son into his bed before I could really think past it.

So there!

I don't feel any better for that rant. Neither has it secured me an interview for a new position as an overpaid under worked member of society. It really is nobody's fault but mine that I'm in this predicament. Nobody else will remove me from it, it's all down to me. That's a bit depressing, because I have a tremendous aptitude for apathy an even utter laziness.

Where is my metaphoric knight in shining armour.

Perhaps their jobs were cut as part of a necessary downsizing of metaphorical heroes due to unforeseen financial instability. Maybe they all have jobs like mine now and are currently decrying them in front of a computer.

Oh well, maybe if I play my cards right, I could move on and one of them could have my job.



Magdalene said...

Will a Funny Girl with shiny ears do instead? I could come galloping to the recuse on my trusty sneed and let you do 'BUNTYYYYYYYY' three times in a row without complaining.

Failing that I could just give you a great big hug and a nice cup of tea. "Will ye be havin' tree sugars in that then Fadda?"

Thesaurus Rex said...

What's a sneed?
(I actually know it's a place in Ireland)
Funny, but not as funny as Nempnett Thrubwell (Somerset) or Bweeng (Ireland)
Then there's Middle Wallop, Snodland, Pratts Bottom.
Can anybody else give me some genuine silly names of places they've been?

Magdalene said...

I keep telling you - Little Piddling in the Marsh!

Martin Stickland said...

Apart from that, have you had a good day?

That is one hell of a funny post (not your working predicament but just how you have put your noggin to work to explain just how rotten things can be)

Do you know something? All of a sudden my blog feels rather bland and sane. Welcome to the cuckoos nest my friend and keep up the good blogging!

Ju's little sister said...

It is a Maori place-name, pronounced Fuck-a-tarn-aye.
No bull.

Or there is Whakapapa. This not just a place name but it also means 'Maori geneology'

T-Rex I am sorry to hear your work is so awful. But I like pro number 5. I hope you use it.


Scriptor Senex said...

You asked "Where is my metaphoric knight in shining armour." At the risk of being sexist I always thought it was only girls who had those. Now I know I've wasted 57 years when I could have been looking for mine! Do you think there is any chance he is still out there somewhere?

Thesaurus Rex said...

Mags; Oh yeah, got any more?
Martin; Sane??!? Bland? A conclusion based on what logic pray tell? Yes thanx, the day was ok except for work. Actually I had a panic attack, maybe? Weds was better and today better again. Now I feel like it was all a bad dream.
JLS; Whak! ru4real?
SS; He only has to save me, I don't have to be his princess. But anyhow, keep hoping. P.S. I'm still German apparently, lets put the word out now.
Me and S.S. have German blogwords under the comment box, and my birthsign is now 'krebs'.
Can one catch a birthsign from a toilet seat?

Thesaurus Rex said...

Mags, not only do I ask what is a sneed again, but are you still going to come to my recuse? (Four sugars today, Mrs Doyle)

Magdalene said...

Sneed was intentional as you very well know. Recuse? Because that's how I'm feeling right now you div, but if you're very good I might indeed dress up like Mrs Doyle for you and give you four sugars!

lorenzothellama said...

On holiday and have seconds left on this bloody computer. Read you blog laters.

Martin Stickland said...

Have a good weekend! we should be arriving at about teatime to you. I hope a week will not be too long to put us up it's just that old Uncle Alberts perscription runs out next week and he will only start dripping everywhere (ends up looking like a human slug and it's a bugger to get out of the carpet!)

Ju's little sister said...

T-Rex, I am very much for real.

An Australian talk show host dared our national news presenter to say Whakatane on the 6 o'clock news. And he did. Whakatane is a place-name in New Zealand and can be said on national tv! Whakapapa is also useable!

Oh, oh and I almost forgot! There's also Te Puke. Not pronounced how it's spelt though ;-)

Thesaurus Rex said...

Martin; Er..right. Are you sure you haven't been at Uncle Albert's meds? Must dash now, changing the locks is such a time consuming process.

Raelha said...

I was too German for a while and had krebs.

We have a Poo and a Boo over here in Asturias, and also a Nora and and a Lada.

I think the worst part of the day for me would be Radio One, I do commiserate.

Martin Stickland said...

You have locks on a wigwam?

Metamatician said...

Couple of notes is all you'll get from me.

"The aural soul destruction that is radio." Nuff said.

Knights in shining armour comes in both genders (though it's hard to see them for the intense shine; if I find out they only come in male I've got some therapy to attend.

All the knights in shining armor live in California and make sixty thousands quid a year for outsourcing everything they do to India. They are unlikely to leave that post to rescue your ass.

Try "Strasvichy. Ya Rexyets. Ya lublu tiebya!" To the Latvian guy. I'm not certain of the spelling at all so I wrote it phonetically for you. Anyways it's a well-wishing for the match and a compliment on the range of their keeper.

Shite work here is considered dogs balls on a silver plate in most of sub-equatorial Earth, save the former colonies of course.


Magdalene said...

Everybody has lost the plot here. Must start knitting radios again.

Thesaurus Rex said...

Meta; Dogs balls on a silver plate. Surely that's vetenary surgery isn't it?
Mags; Knitting radios?? Have you been at the cane toads again, or are you actually from Clanger planet?

Magdalene said...

The latter. Just made some lovely blue string pudding, but the Iron Chicken came down and scoffed most of it. *Sigh* I suppose I'll have to go see what the Soup Dragon is cooking up today.