Tuesday, 27 November 2007

The Folding Stuff

Today was a day off work. And what better way to spend it than in the company of the F.G. down at the nearest main shopping street to my comfy little abode.

She suffers so in the dimming of winter, (she is effectively solar powered) and so we gathered what light this drear November day could offer, and strolled abroad, about the merry folk as they yabbered in West country accents, weaving their tales of joy with old fashioned working class bonhomie to all and sundry.

I've become partially obsessed with the task of finding a cheap egg-poacher of late, and this visit to a pound shop paradise turned out to be precisely how to do it. A fiver, what a bargain! Now all my eggs will be perfect, though it has been pointed out that my cholesterol level may bump up a bit as a result. I remarked lately that I refused to go for one at a tenner, but a bluey would be the fair exchange that proves no robbery. And so, I felt duty bound to hand over the aforementioned Princely sum and scuttle off with the goods.

A mere minute or so later, barely time to explain how ecstatic I was to F.G., I found myself glancing downwards at the pavement as I walked. Hush my cotton socks and go to the foot of my stairs, if there wasn't a tenner on the deck. I stuck my foot on it, in that cool way that finding cash brings out in a miserly old scrote like myself, and swept it into my pocket. This is, after all, the payback for being so short.
Now scarcely able to put my elation into words, but able nonetheless, I strolled on hand in hand with my girl, who was expressing her wonder about how it was I always found money in the street.

Then the first pangs of guilt began. What if somebody really needed that cash? It was found with a receipt from the greatest retail outlet of them all, (Not Harrods you fools, Wilkinsons) Perhaps I should find out whose cash it was as the purchase was only a few minutes previous. I was talked out of it by the kind of common sense as used by girlfriends who are being driven mad by verbose sidekicks apparently pushed to the edge of apoplectic hysteria by a gross profit of £5 and the prospect of neater breakfasts.

I like walking about with this woman. She brings the paradox of calm insanity to my day. I feel though that we should always walk in step with each other, opposite feet treading at the same time ie. not like marching soldiers. Normally, I have to adjust my gait in order to achieve this by doing a sort of one pace skip. With this in mind on the way home, walking up the 99 steps to where my house sits atop an urban hill, amid the other jostling architecture, I contemplated all my good fortune of the afternoon so far, and could ask myself only this question.
Why is it that some people fold their arms right over left, and others left over right? Can any of you out there help in my quest for the answer to this query as there is no logic behind the answer, I fear, and it's beginning to fry my grey matter?

17 comments:

Magdalene said...

Your grey matter is already fried my dear, but thanks to good old Wiwkinsuns you now have the option of poaching it instead.

Funny about the folding thingy. I just tested it out and while I'm most definitely a right over left arm folder, with legs it's either way. One didn't necessarily feel more normal than the other. Now for my eyebrows; are they equally accurate or is the left one prone to serious errors of judgement?

(Tee hee! Your word verification is porcpi! Don't the imbeciles realise that this is a strictly vegetarian blog?)

Ju's little sister said...

Is a bluey the same as a fiver?

Thesaurus Rex said...

Porcpi!! I love it. Maybe they were talking about Goopus Max's hat.
JLS; Yes it is, tho having just looked it up on money slang web page, it doesn't appear. £5 notes are blue ink, mainly. £10, or 'Tony Benners' are brown, whereas a twenty is sort of yeeukky bruised bogey coloured.

Magdalene said...

Ok Mister, gimme the poached egg count since Monday.

Thesaurus Rex said...

None today, one yesterday and one on monday. Now I suppose your gonna tell me I'm not eating enough eggs. I expect you'll tell me I should never have invested all that time and money on those hens either.

lorenzothellama said...

Right arm first but then left arm gets to be on top.
To poach an egg without an expensive poacher, boil water, shove in vinegar and drop egg in. Bob's your llama.
A bluey is certainly a fiver JLS and a pinky is a fiftyer.
Don't forget TR that eggs 'bind' you so if you suffer from constipation, just forget the eggs and go for prunes and pears instead.
Today's word is partcok

Raelha said...

And don't forget, £1 is a scargill and 50p Arthur Scargill - sorry, it was a bad joke even when it was first doing the rounds 20 odd years ago.

I rarely find money in the street but I worked picking up litter at Glastonbury for Greenpeace in 1997 - when it pissed it down. A horrible job that I wouldn't recommend unless you're desperate, but the good part was that I found heaps of coins scattered about in the mud and came out of the long weekend about £10 up.

Martin Stickland said...

You couldn't spare me a tenner for a cup of tea Guv?

I bought a cheap plastic egg poacher for sticking in the microwave thingy and it works a treat.

Put them in for two hours and it is like beef jerky but made of eggs instead!

lorenzothellama said...

Arh, Arthur Scargill. What a man. I love his hair. I wish all men would have a comb-over.

Martin: if you keep using a microwave to do your cooking in, you will suffer from radiation poisoning and then you won't be any good to us.

Lorenzo.

Thesaurus Rex said...

Lorro; Being veggie and a bloke, and having a diet which consist of moozlee and vegetables nearly every day, I never get bound. In fact, I crap like a carthorse. (not in the middle of the road, you silly woman.) I'm surprized people don't follow me around with a shovel.
Until recently, I poached my eggs in the way you suggest, including a 10 second boil BEFORE cracking egg and stirring the water round to ensure centrifugal force keeps egg in middle of pan. However, I just like neat eggs and you use less water in a poacher AND you can do 4 eggs at one time, all cooked the same so nobody gets upset when theirs is over/underdone. I may be a man, but I'm something of a "little wizard in the kitchen"
As for partcok, what can I say?
Martin; Microwave??? You're so 70's/80's/90's, man! Get with Raehla, who's all 60's!!

Magdalene said...

Wizard in the kitchen. You certainly are that, though it's more like an episode of Catweazel. Come to think of it...where is Russell the toad these days??

Thesaurus Rex said...

Lorro; I don't understand what you mean by right arm first and left gets to be on top. Which hand is visible and which gets tucked under the opposing armpit. That's how all sensible ( sober) people would say it.
Raehla; I did the Glasto pick up, found a few quid and enough tent pegs to sink a battleship. It rained. See my post from july 4th for ridiculous details. Ah, those were the days.

Martin Stickland said...

Catweazle Magdelene! It is all coming back to me now "Shine little sun" as he switches on the light switch!

Sunny side up please Rexy babe!

Radiation Poisoning Lorenzybum? You have been reading too many Dan Dare comics!

Raelha said...

T Rex, yes, you need to be out a 5am to get first dibs on the cash dropped by pissed/stoned/high revellers during the early hours before they collapsed in their tent.

Having said that I much preferred my 1995 visit when I jumped/was pushed over the fence and didn't need to earn my ticket. It was sunny and I could stay in bed as long as I wanted for a start.

Martin, you lazy arse. Don't you know that microwaves kill off anything good for you in eggs or any other food you put in there. And after all the weekend drinking you indulge in you'll need all vitamins you can get.

lorenzothellama said...

Rexy, it's quite simple. Put right hand onto left bicep. Take left hand and tuck it under right tricep. Let your kerjungas rest lightly on horrizontal arms. Left arm is on top of right arm.

Sorry you didn't like the story of Maalie and the tit. Birds have such suggestive names. It was a true story though, up to a point.

I take your point about less water in the pot to poach eggs in a poacher, but there is less washing up in the saucepan method. I do find that the bottom of the egg sticks to the poaching pot so.

Lorenzo.

Thesaurus Rex said...

I don't have and intend never to get kerjunkas, but that's the way I cross my arms. Mags does hers the other way, which I hope she will confirm later today. She has aforementioned appendages, which is good, I can assure you, for stout lovers.

Thesaurus Rex said...

And another thing. Is anybody else going to help with my research to see if there is a pattern to arm crossing, leg crossing and maybe whether you are right or left handed or ambidexterous. Cna we include tongue curling and ear wiggling please, as I'm determined to get a university grant. My research into head lice was woefully underfunded and collapsed in disarray when I could no longer support my dreadlocks. Pity, I was on the verge of a breakthrough.